The "I" Word

When I started this blog, I created it to both document our lives and as a creative outlet for me. With that being said, I haven't been doing so well on either front. The first reason is easy to explain, we have just been so busy the last few months that sitting down in front of the computer wasn't on my agenda.

The second, i've been holding back on. I haven't shared this "journey" with anyone because I don't want any more pressure. I'm under enough from both sets of parents, grandparents and siblings. EVERYONE always asks me, "Do you have kids?" "Do you want kids?" "Why don't you have any kids?" This drives me friggin nuts. I get asked this question all the time and being in the military and surrounded by people with kids constantly has proven very difficult for me. Everytime the Spanish Inquisition rolls around I just want to yell and scream and say, "None of our *BAD WORD* business lady! Why don't you ask me for my name and let's go from there, shall we? We just met .5 second ago and you are already asking about my medical history!? How about go away!" It's harsh but it's how I have been feeling recently.

Maybe i've been holding back and going this route alone because if I put it this out to the universe it means its real and its happening. I don't want a pity party or an outpouring of comments, questions or concerns. Just not my style or my reason behind this post.

It's no secret that I love children and that Chris and I would like to have some. I knew spending our first three years of marriage in Hawaii would not be the ideal time to procreate, because in my book I was too far from family. I grew up in a big family where everyone helps raise a baby. With that mentality, Chris and I lived it up in Hawaii and had a blast being kidless on a double income.

Our plan for Lynchlings was to get knocked up in Hawaii and have the lil love while Chris was attending the Engineer Career Course in Fort Leonard Wood, Mo. This "perfect plan" would give me something to do out in the middle of nowhere since the job department, is well, nonexistant and we would be much closer to family.

We put our plan into motion September 2011 kind of by mistake, but we took it as a sign to get the show on the road. I was so excited to be going back to CT for a visit, that in my rush to leave the house and head to the airport I left my makeup bag, which also held all my meds, on the sink counter in our bathroom. Birth control fail.

Since I had been on the pill for about 10 years, I figured it could take as long as a year to get pregnant, but in the back of my mind I was hoping it would happen sooner. Well after several months of irregualar periods, and by that I mean I period between September and January and no baby bump, I called my OBGYN because something felt wrong. My pap in October was normal but my honorary PhD told me that in order to get pregnant you need to have a period and if you don't have a period you don't ovulate which means no bambino.

Putting my young age, overall good health and wacky menses into consideration, my doc put me on a Progesterone regiment for three months. He told me to take these five little pills over the course of five days and within a few days of taking the last pill I should get a cycle and then we could, for a lack of a better phrase, "get busy." He said that after the first cycle if it didn't produce a lil one, he was sure it would do the trick, to continue on with another five pills. I was filled with hope. Well, that three month trial period came and went with out success.

I was deflated and defeated.

Now I was getting nervous. Eight negative tests and nine months later no dice. There were acouple of times I really thought two lines were going to show up. I mean, I was really sure we were pregnant:
Oct. 13 *my mom's birthday, what an awesome gift it would be to tell her she was going to be a grand mommy*
Nov. 22 *Something to be super thankful for!*
Dec. 28 *I really thought we were going to come home with a little souvenir from Disneyland*
*Feb. 14 *I had the cutest Valentine's Day card planned to give Chris*
May 12 *I really thought we were going to leave Hawaii with a Made in Hawaii baby and it was Mother's Day*
July 19 *my birthday*

I know i'm odd, but I want the day I find out to be a memorable day. Of course that single line came out quick every single time and I was devestated. Why isn't this happening for us?! I even bought dozens of ovulation tests because maybe we were doing it on the wrong days!?

When we moved from Hawaii to Fort Leonard Wood, Mo. in June, one of the first things I did was to make an appointment with my new primary care doctor to refill my progesterone. After going through my history with her, she ordered some blood work. After a few hours she called me back a bit paniced and said she was making me an appointment to see the infertility doctor and that my thyroid level was all jacked up.

All I heard was the word INFERTILITY.
I swallowed hard and my vision narrowed.

She calmed me down and explained my thyroid could very well be the reason I haven't been able to concieved because in plays a factor in fertility as well as skin appearance (mine has been digressing into it's puberty days) and hair (which mine has been falling out and I have developed psoraisis in my scalp).

My docs, yes two of them (my primary care and OBGYN) ran several blood tests on me and deduced after the fourth test that my thyroid was off and prescribed me some thyroid meds NEVER ONCE telling me that I couldn't take my thyroid medicine and my prenatal vitamins at the same time. Why not? Because one counteracts that other! The entire time I was taking this medicine it was doing nothing for me, hense when I had blood work done in Mo., it was really f'ed up. So she upped the dosage and told me how to take it properly this time.

Even though she was talking to me I was spacing out. All I could focus on was, "I'm going to make you an appointment to see the INFERTILITY specialist," and the word INFERTILITY just echoed in my brain. You have to be kidding me. I'm young, healthy and I've done everything right in my life (no drugs, no smoking, college, marriage, the whole nine yards) and i'm broken!? You spend your entire life trying not to get pregnant but the minute you try to it just doesn't happen. This has been my worst nightmare. You never in a million years expect to hear the words INFERTILITY being directed at you. It's just supposed to happen. It's the miracle of birth right?

Full of anxst at the world and an overwhelming feeling of sadness (What if I cannot give him kids? Will he leave me? What if i'm broken?) I went to my appointment not knowing what to expect. Usually people don't start the infertility work up until they have been trying for over a year but after going through my history my doctor decided to start immediately. My heart really sank when he handed me a piece of paper of what needed to happen:

1. Prenatal labs/screening: RPR, Rubella, HCVab, HbsAG, HIV.
2. Endocine labs as follows:
    a) Dheas- primarily produced in adrenal cortex, may contribute to hirsutism.
    b) Testosterone- primarily produced in the overaries but with also as a result ofperipheral conversion of androstenedione may contribute to hirsutism/virilization.
    c) 17alpha Hydroxyprogesterone- exclude possibility of late-onset congenital adrenal hyperplasia (due to concern of hirsutism/PCOS)
Day 3 of menstral cycle: FSH- assesment of ovarian reserve, estradiol- assessing ovarian function.
Day 21 of menstral cycle: Progesterone: produced by corpus luteum as a meausre of ovulation,
HSG (Between days 7-11 of menstral cycle): Dye test to asses uterine cavity and tubal patency.
Husband: Semen analysis

Holy shit balls. This is real. This is my life. This is really happening to me!

The Lynch Family is Growing By Four Paws

Meet our new little guy

Koa Lynch

Koa, means warrior in Hawaiian, and Chris has been wanting a big dog of his own ever since we arrived in Hawaii. However, with a pretty small back yard and my constant nagging, we agreed to get a small dog (Oakley Lynch Est. Aug. 2, 2010) in Hawaii and get his dog in Fort Leonard Wood, Mo. We didn't even have boots on the ground in a new temporary home state when Chris found a breeder for Rhodesian Ridgeback's. 

We tossed around the idea of getting a Doberman or a Rotti, but they are banned from Post and most people won't rent to you if you have a dog like that (Can you say breed discrimination?). As much as I would have loved a Golden, they just have way to much hair for me and my allergies and we couldn't agree on what color Lab (I wanted chocolate, he wanted black) we wanted so a Rhodesian it became!

Originally bred to hunt lions the breed is also known as the African Lion Hound. The Rhodesian Ridgeback's distinguishing feature is the ridge of hair along its back, running in the opposite direction to the rest of its coat.

We cannot wait to take him home Sept. 4 and introduce him to his big brother, Oakley!

This is Koa's momma, Chelsey.

This is Koa's dad, Savannah's Prince.

These are is brothers, Koa is the darkest one. Can you see the ridge?

Just born! Koa was even born on my birthday! July 19!

His sisters. Looks at those faces!

Capt. Lynch

After 43 long months of being an Lt., Chris finally got promoted and I couldn't be more proud of him

The Lts. getting ready to be pinned.

Gen. Deluca giving the promotion remarks.

Pinning my new Capt!

So serious.

Train Tracks!

Me and my shiny new Captain.

Life lately

Man it's been a crazy several weeks. Now that we are in our new home in our new state and we have a more stable Internet connection, I can breathe and update you on what's been going on:

June 8: Movers came to pack up our house (more on this debacle later).
June 8: We had our farewell and were late to it (see above!).
June 8: We moved into our good friend's house (The Chase's) for our last few days on island.
June 9: Cleaning day!
June 10: We officially handed our house back over to it's owner. Very bitersweet moment. We start our life as a Mr. and a Mrs. in this house.
June 11-13: We soaked up the rest our lil island in the Pacific had to offer.
June 13-14: We enjoyed our last few days on island, Disney Aulani style.
June 14: Aloha Hawaii, it's been a great three years! We took a red eye, with Oakley with us in the cabin (more on this as well), to LAX.
June 15: Looking like hot messes, we got to LAX at 6 a.m. and picked up our rental car so we could drive to Long Beach to pick up Chris's truck (read: shelping, loading, unloading and reloading 8 HEAVY pieces of luggage). After dropping the rental car back off, our road trip to Missouri was underway!
June 15-21: We spent some QT with my family in Arizona. It was so much fun!
June 21: Aloha Arizona, thank you for your hospitality! We stopped in Amarillo, Texas for the night.
June 22: At around 6 pm we made it to Fort Leonard Wood, Mo. where we would call the Days Inn home for the next 6 nights.
June 23-24: Lucky for us we have friends living in the area so they treated us to home cooked meals and good company over the weekend.
June 25: Day one of house hunting was a bust.
June 26: Success! We found a house!
June 28: Woohoo, move in day!
July 4: Fourth of July, Saint Louis style!
July 6: After a slight Army scare, Chris signed in to his Engineer Captains Career Course.
July 9: Chris' first day of ECCC.

Currently we are sleeping on an airmattress (I was smart and packed an airmattres, along with sheets, a blanket, pillows and towels in a space bag) in an empty house (aside from the grill, Keurig, 
and washer and dryer) for God knows how much longer.

On a bright note, my car arrived today and my savior Ashley is driving me all the way into Saint Louis (read: 2.5 hours there and 2.5 hours back, yeah she is GREAT friend) to pick it up tomorrow, SWEET FREEDOM!

Since Chris will be busy with school and our household goods are still not here, I am going to CT to celebrate my Dads, my Grandma's 95, and my 27th birthday, my good friend's 26th, My Aunts and my cousin's birthdays! I am excited to see my family and friends and my hometown for a few days.

Home Sweet FLW

After a quick PCS (Only 30 days notice), we said aloha to our little island in the Pacific and made our way across the ocean and the country, passing through California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas to our new temporary home at Fort Leonard Wood, Mo!

Here is our new digs

Oakley's new back yard. The fence is high enough to keep the critters away since now we live in a place where Oakley is considered prey.

Guest room.

View from the living room into where the kitchen table will go.

Alas, a kitchen! We are getting really sick of eating out.

We are officially grown ups and are now the proud owners of a washer and dryer.

Guest loo.

Our joint office.

Walk in closet in the master.

The living room and Oakley too.

Master loo. No double sink, but I can deal for six months.

Master. I wish we had ceiling fans in Hawaii!

Jetted tub =)