Chris and I have been together for nine years and this year we will be married for five years and I have been doing the Army wife thing for six years so I am used to saying, "see you soon."
Chris has gone to different countries (Thailand, Korea) and different states (Arizona, New Mexico, The Big Island) for various amounts of time. Before we were married and he had just embarked on this Army journey he would be gone one weekend a month and two weeks a year for National Guard Drills.
Then he had to spend a few months or weeks at Fort Benning, GA; Fort Lewis, WA; and Fort Leonard Wood, MO. At the time, man, it was tough. I cried, a lot. But it got easier. Not easier to deal with his being gone, easier in the fact that I knew how to fill the time until he came home.
By the time we got to our first duty station in Hawaii, I was a pro at being separated from him.
However, saying "goodbye" during a deployment is something different. My eyes are filling up as I type this and my stomach hurts.
In a way I am glad we missed the big send off and it was just us in the battalion parking lot at 5:30 am.
Thank God it was dark because the entire way there, tears were staining my face and my eyes were puffy and red. For whatever reason I wanted to drive and he held my hand the entire drive. Chris isn't an emotional person so I knew him holding my hand meant that he was feeling a barrage of emotions.
When we pulled up I jumped out of the car and popped the trunk and started unloading what I could while he talked to the Rear D commander and another officer who was going with him. I needed to stay busy because I could feel myself about to lose it and I promised myself I would fall apart. I didn't want that to be the last thing he saw before getting in the HUMMVE. I wanted to keep it together until I drove away. I wanted him to see and know that I could be strong and that the only person he had to worry about was himself and that the only thing he had to worry about was coming home, on time, in one piece and the same way I left him in the parking lot at 5:30 am on 18 Feb.
All I can remember from our last embrace was the shutter I could feel in his chest and the trembling I could hear in his voice.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Deployment Goals
Deployments suck no matter how you shake it.
No one wants to be separated from his or spouse and no amount of un taxed, hazard duty pay or family separation money can fill the void of your loved one being a world away and be working in a hostile and dangerous area.
However, i'm trying to look at this differently. I won't let it own me. I plan on using this time to empower myself, strengthen my marriage and get my shit together.
I promised myself that I would do things that terrify in some way or another during this deployment:
1. Run a Half Marathon (COMPLETED! More on that later)
2. Lose 20 lbs, dr's orders, and get my body ready to make a baby! (So far, i'm down 10 lbs and 6 body inches)
3. Get my hoo-haw, under arms and legs waxed.
4. Buy lingerie, I actually don't own any and I have never bought any, I know, shocker.
5. This one I will announce after I have done it, ya never know who actually reads this....
6. Go Paleo- no dairy, no gluten, no carbs (Been going strong for almost a month).
Time to kick ass and take names!
No one wants to be separated from his or spouse and no amount of un taxed, hazard duty pay or family separation money can fill the void of your loved one being a world away and be working in a hostile and dangerous area.
However, i'm trying to look at this differently. I won't let it own me. I plan on using this time to empower myself, strengthen my marriage and get my shit together.
I promised myself that I would do things that terrify in some way or another during this deployment:
1. Run a Half Marathon (COMPLETED! More on that later)
2. Lose 20 lbs, dr's orders, and get my body ready to make a baby! (So far, i'm down 10 lbs and 6 body inches)
3. Get my hoo-haw, under arms and legs waxed.
4. Buy lingerie, I actually don't own any and I have never bought any, I know, shocker.
5. This one I will announce after I have done it, ya never know who actually reads this....
6. Go Paleo- no dairy, no gluten, no carbs (Been going strong for almost a month).
Time to kick ass and take names!
D Day
From the moment we started the Green Pages process, we knew a deployment was in our future. There was no escaping that ugly monster, it comes with the territory.
Although now-a-days most deployments, ugh I shutter whenever I hear, say or type that word I feel like I am cursing, are shorter (9 months instead of a year plus) I feel deployments start as soon as the word comes into you life.
We knew we had to go to a place that was deploying ASAP so Fort Hood, Texas it was. Chris had to report 10 January and we knew he would leave shortly after we arrived but we didn't know the exact date. We were under the impression that his new battalion was deploying in February. Wrong! They were already gone and had been down range for a few months, both a blessing and curse. It was a blessing because that meant Chris would be joining them for the remainder of the deployment and I count my lucky stars that translated into less than five months. Not knowing when he would actually be leaving was the curse because we had just bought a house, were in the process of unpacking and we had just gotten to a place that neither of us has ever been before.
Chris had to do his in processing to the new post and to his new battalion before we would know more about when he would be leaving. Usually, when an entire battalion deploys the entire group travels to NTC for a month for training, families get pre deployment briefs (what to expect, establish the FRG, get emergency contact info, create CARE Teams, get a phone list), you and your spouse have time to get the correct paper work in order (THE hardest part for me, hands down. I mean c'mon what other couples do you know of that have to have a living will, make sure the life insurance policy is squared away, discuss a "What if" scenario pertaining to IF they don't come home (where they would like to be laid to rest, cremation, ect, or something happens to them and you need to leave the country (so making sure your passport is up-to-date), going over how to pay the bills, squaring away finances and ect.
None of that happened for us. As soon as he in processed, he was off getting various vaccinations, collecting his gear, packing his gear and bypassed all the predeployment training. That made my head spin. I mean they have this training in place for a reason right? Now I feel like he is ill prepared and he's going to a unit where he knows no one, so who will have his back!?
We did get the house set up and unpacked, we did get our paperwork together, including tax stuff but in terms of the pre deployment brief and FRG support, I got nada, zilch. He's been gone over a month and I haven't gotten one phone call from the BN commander's wife, FRG leader, FRSA, no e-mails, no coffee invitations, no olive branches. Big. Fat. Goose Egg!
Maybe I am spoiled from having such an amazing support system in Hawaii, but this is Fort Hood Texas. This is the biggest post in the Army and they deploy units like its nothing. This should be a routine, right?
The one part I like about the Army is the sense of family and community and the coming together when spouses are gone. That's what makes being a spouse manageable. Being surrounded by like minded people going through the same thing as you to pow wow with. I don't have that. I don't have any unit support and my ass is chaffed about it. Really puts a sour taste in my mouth.
So what did I do about it? About a week into the deployment I emailed the FRG contact I had been given. After not hearing back in over a week, I called up the Rear Detachment Commander and he told me that person had stepped down and he just appointed a new person (the least she could have done was respond to my email saying she was no longer the leader for crying out loud) and he gave me her number. So I called her and of course I got her at a bad time, story of my life, but she indulged me and admitted she had no idea what she was doing but she was going to meet with the Rear D Commander on Monday and she would call me/email me when she wrapped her around it and let me know how I could help her out.
It's been three weeks and I have heard nothing. At this point I'm over it and i'm lucky that I have a friend from FLW that only lives a few miles away, and two familiar faces from Hawaii locally as well.
I consider myself to be a pretty strong and independent person. I also knew what I was getting myself into when I married someone with the sense of service to their country. I've got my big girl panties on and I am facing this monster head on and have lots of things planned to get me through this.
Although now-a-days most deployments, ugh I shutter whenever I hear, say or type that word I feel like I am cursing, are shorter (9 months instead of a year plus) I feel deployments start as soon as the word comes into you life.
We knew we had to go to a place that was deploying ASAP so Fort Hood, Texas it was. Chris had to report 10 January and we knew he would leave shortly after we arrived but we didn't know the exact date. We were under the impression that his new battalion was deploying in February. Wrong! They were already gone and had been down range for a few months, both a blessing and curse. It was a blessing because that meant Chris would be joining them for the remainder of the deployment and I count my lucky stars that translated into less than five months. Not knowing when he would actually be leaving was the curse because we had just bought a house, were in the process of unpacking and we had just gotten to a place that neither of us has ever been before.
Chris had to do his in processing to the new post and to his new battalion before we would know more about when he would be leaving. Usually, when an entire battalion deploys the entire group travels to NTC for a month for training, families get pre deployment briefs (what to expect, establish the FRG, get emergency contact info, create CARE Teams, get a phone list), you and your spouse have time to get the correct paper work in order (THE hardest part for me, hands down. I mean c'mon what other couples do you know of that have to have a living will, make sure the life insurance policy is squared away, discuss a "What if" scenario pertaining to IF they don't come home (where they would like to be laid to rest, cremation, ect, or something happens to them and you need to leave the country (so making sure your passport is up-to-date), going over how to pay the bills, squaring away finances and ect.
None of that happened for us. As soon as he in processed, he was off getting various vaccinations, collecting his gear, packing his gear and bypassed all the predeployment training. That made my head spin. I mean they have this training in place for a reason right? Now I feel like he is ill prepared and he's going to a unit where he knows no one, so who will have his back!?
We did get the house set up and unpacked, we did get our paperwork together, including tax stuff but in terms of the pre deployment brief and FRG support, I got nada, zilch. He's been gone over a month and I haven't gotten one phone call from the BN commander's wife, FRG leader, FRSA, no e-mails, no coffee invitations, no olive branches. Big. Fat. Goose Egg!
Maybe I am spoiled from having such an amazing support system in Hawaii, but this is Fort Hood Texas. This is the biggest post in the Army and they deploy units like its nothing. This should be a routine, right?
The one part I like about the Army is the sense of family and community and the coming together when spouses are gone. That's what makes being a spouse manageable. Being surrounded by like minded people going through the same thing as you to pow wow with. I don't have that. I don't have any unit support and my ass is chaffed about it. Really puts a sour taste in my mouth.
So what did I do about it? About a week into the deployment I emailed the FRG contact I had been given. After not hearing back in over a week, I called up the Rear Detachment Commander and he told me that person had stepped down and he just appointed a new person (the least she could have done was respond to my email saying she was no longer the leader for crying out loud) and he gave me her number. So I called her and of course I got her at a bad time, story of my life, but she indulged me and admitted she had no idea what she was doing but she was going to meet with the Rear D Commander on Monday and she would call me/email me when she wrapped her around it and let me know how I could help her out.
It's been three weeks and I have heard nothing. At this point I'm over it and i'm lucky that I have a friend from FLW that only lives a few miles away, and two familiar faces from Hawaii locally as well.
I consider myself to be a pretty strong and independent person. I also knew what I was getting myself into when I married someone with the sense of service to their country. I've got my big girl panties on and I am facing this monster head on and have lots of things planned to get me through this.
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